Make it stop. No, it's necessary for learning

The amalgamation of sundry ideas brings my mind to a stop. Constant consideration of perspectives from various angles has drained me this week. I cannot conclude nor dismiss these thoughts. They beseech my soul for at least a thoughtful examination.

The first part of my soul probing was initiated by the book of Acts. How Simon Peter, was originally kind of a wuss. A pansy of sorts. He had the words of leader but then would, metaphorically and literally, fall behind in step. This doesn't discount his leadership potential but it exposed his need for growth. Acts 6 shows a picture that is currently relevant. Jesus teaches he is the bread of life and those who partake of him has eternal life and how "I will raise him up on the last day." A disciple responded,"This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?" and many of them turned and left. The Messiah, the only one without the messiah complex, was not concerned with numbers but with motive, said to the 12 will you also leave? Peter bravely responds, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You only have the words of eternal fire." Then not long afterward at the Mount of Olives Jesus is approached by Judas to be turned over for crucifixion. Peter gets presumptuously ballsy and cuts off the ear of a high priest. Which Jesus nonchalantly reattaches. ha ha. I love that part. (Look Peter, bad timing, just chill. Sir, here's your ear back. *squish*)Directly after the arrest, this prophesied yet intrusive crowd leads him to the house of the high priest. And this is where Peter was following, but following at a distance. Peter does not completely give up on Christ but he follows at a distance as not to be associated, then shortly later denies him 3 times, as Jesus told Peter he would. However, back to Acts 1:15, after crucifixion and resurrection, Peter starts to take the lead, determining his past weaknesses as something to overcome.

With all that said, the 2nd part of my soul probing has derived from observing my surroundings and the profound yet almost inevitable questions that exist in my and my friend's lives. I often find myself meddling in the question and lacking the discipline to research or pray about the answer. Instead, I'm guilty of what Don Miller says is the I Dream of Jeannie approach. "I wonder how great it would be to have a Jeannie of my own, complete with the sexy outfit, who could blink a grilled-cheese sandwich out of thin air, all the while cleaning my room and doing my homework. I realize, of course, that is very silly and there is no such thing as a genie that lives in a lamp, but it makes me wonder if secretly we don't wish God were a genie who could deliver a few wishes here and there. It makes me wonder if what we really want is control, not a relationship." Which leads me to the fact that it is my duty to demonstrate a prayerful life. I am under orders to pray for my friends and especially my enemies. Now that I have found my eternal house in which to exist and walked through the door, I must "be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall." -cs lewis.

This information is particularly substantial to me due to a random course of events that occurred last night between midnight and 5 am. Minus the distressing details of events, I'll say that my heart's summary heaped a momentum to seek more godly guidance, a more steadfast prayer life, and a discipline in leadership growth...just in commonplace life. If we are faithful with the little things, He will trust us with much.