Went to Mars Hill Church today, the emerging church. Makes me want to choose a church home before I even choose the city. So many questions on the horizon-- friends and their spiritual curiosity and seemingly unanswerable inquiries.
Words don't always make the sense the heart does.
Heading north to Vancouver tomorrow a.m.
thoughts like these will make us mad, confound us in our miserable fad.
i hate to plan ahead but it seems when limited money is involved there's a sense of reality that must kick in, or kick me.
a freshness of mind tapping at my door
flirting with the idea to implore
something distant, yet something whole
let it kindle, let it burn, let it breathe, let it coal.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Brambleberry Miracle
In Seattle riding bikes to the beach, eating fresh crab and halibut steaks, testing the local "two buck chuck" delicacy, painting houses, tapping into mind-sharing with introverts, meandering through museums and glass blowing studios, and seeking out employment. We came out of the hill country last night where we stayed a week and hiked lava flows at lantern dimmed light, hiked up to Mt.Ranier to view Emmerson glacier, attempted Mt.St.Helens in the pouring rain, lived off potato stew, potato soup, potatoes, potato chips, potato fries, and salsa. I managed to finagle a shower this morning after, well, today is Saturday and I think I had one Monday when we left civilization in Portland. Soap never smelled so good.
Off to eat dungeness. and research Canada's traveling opps.
Off to eat dungeness. and research Canada's traveling opps.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
No More Melancholy
A friend of mine has accused my postings of being melancholy. Without veering from my melodramatic nature and risk skewing the inner workings of this mind, I'm not sure the blogs have the ability to change, but here's a try at it:
On Emotions--
Realize some things are within your control and others are not. But you can choose how you respond to circumstances by filling yourself with thoughts and actions that make you feel inspired, happy, excited, passionate, magical, energized, and enthusiastic. I stole that sentence from a book of Short Term Adventures. I probably could have delved deep within my soul to write such a complicated thought, but why?
We're in Portland today staying in a very modernized hotel with hanging paper lamps and the beds that lie close to the floor with white down comforters and really bright yellow throw pillows. I think they furnished this room straight from an Ikea store. There was a fashion show in the courtyard last night. And the dress code for the employees is to be at least 75% covered, with tatoos that is. Surprisingly it is relatively inexpensive and within walking distance of the eateries and organic groceries. We did the Irish Pub thing last night and got a tiny dose of live music. This early and rainy morning Amber and I went to Imago Dei Community, a church I read about in the book "Blue Like Jazz" back in March. The author Donald Miller is a Portland local and helped plant this church of almost 700. They embrace all aspects of the people--music, theatre, community justice, art, and hold a conservative doctrinal view with a liberal community view. With only one visit I can scarcely summarzie their whole, but I know I enjoyed it.
I thought of my grandmother all day yesterday as we trampled through the Grotto, a Catholic garden that embraces the 12 stations of Christ, sanctuaries, meditation gardens, and holy water for sale in the gift shop. It was a really beautiful place, the kind you'd like to set up camp in but would feel irreverent for doing so.
Found out my little bro hitch-hiked home from Atlanta last weekend, crazy little punk. The feeling of immortality left me a year ago or so, rightfully and safely so. I'm glad to have a tincy bit more logical grasp on what I'm willing to partake in. But then again, I'm female, and like it or not, realize I'm a more limited in my adventures for fear of crude treatment.
Nothing of worth to note today. Just lazy in body and in mind. Thanks for tuning in nonetheless.
On Emotions--
Realize some things are within your control and others are not. But you can choose how you respond to circumstances by filling yourself with thoughts and actions that make you feel inspired, happy, excited, passionate, magical, energized, and enthusiastic. I stole that sentence from a book of Short Term Adventures. I probably could have delved deep within my soul to write such a complicated thought, but why?
We're in Portland today staying in a very modernized hotel with hanging paper lamps and the beds that lie close to the floor with white down comforters and really bright yellow throw pillows. I think they furnished this room straight from an Ikea store. There was a fashion show in the courtyard last night. And the dress code for the employees is to be at least 75% covered, with tatoos that is. Surprisingly it is relatively inexpensive and within walking distance of the eateries and organic groceries. We did the Irish Pub thing last night and got a tiny dose of live music. This early and rainy morning Amber and I went to Imago Dei Community, a church I read about in the book "Blue Like Jazz" back in March. The author Donald Miller is a Portland local and helped plant this church of almost 700. They embrace all aspects of the people--music, theatre, community justice, art, and hold a conservative doctrinal view with a liberal community view. With only one visit I can scarcely summarzie their whole, but I know I enjoyed it.
I thought of my grandmother all day yesterday as we trampled through the Grotto, a Catholic garden that embraces the 12 stations of Christ, sanctuaries, meditation gardens, and holy water for sale in the gift shop. It was a really beautiful place, the kind you'd like to set up camp in but would feel irreverent for doing so.
Found out my little bro hitch-hiked home from Atlanta last weekend, crazy little punk. The feeling of immortality left me a year ago or so, rightfully and safely so. I'm glad to have a tincy bit more logical grasp on what I'm willing to partake in. But then again, I'm female, and like it or not, realize I'm a more limited in my adventures for fear of crude treatment.
Nothing of worth to note today. Just lazy in body and in mind. Thanks for tuning in nonetheless.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Elizabeth Elliot
"If God gave it to me," we say, "it's mine, I can do what I want with it." No. The truth is that it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go--IF we want to find our true selves, if we want real LIFE, if our hearts are set on glory.
huge huge mountains, dry dry desert, blue blue waters
Computer access seems few and far between in the high desert and phone reception is obsolete in the mountains. I'm trying my best to keep up with everyone, updating and whatnot, but forgive me for the lack of doing so. Times are still great on the road, slow and thoughtful. It's almost too much to absorb with the awe inspiring scenery. I miss my peeps at home but I would rather y'all be here with me than me back in AL. I believe my next journey to seek employment on this coast, atleast for a season or so.
We went to the Obsidian site a few days ago, hiking through shards of glass the size of mountains. The lava with no bubbles turns into black shiny glass, and then the lava that had bubbles filtered through is the pumice. In hindsite it was one of the most dangerous adventures yet, hiking, falling, and regaining my balance on shards of glass. But there was a hidden cave we delved into that still had ice inside of it. And of course all the mountains still have remaining snow at the tops. Yesterday we went white water rafting down the Deshutes River. A 5 hour journey of rafting, swimming, and purposely hurling your body into rapids. good times. No pictures as of yet since I'm paying for this internet access and I can't upload images. Maybe next time.
You know those nights you're on a Do or Die mission to somewhere, nowhere particular, but...somewhere?
Everything is seemingly normal: no raging protons; all of your neurons are functioning smoothly. You're neither apathetic nor ecstatic. Just neutral.
You walk outside to get into the "Mission To Nowhere" vehicular yet instead you end up sprawled senseless in the front yard. Not aware of even the texture of the grass against your bare neck, your glazed-over eyes beam into the sky indirectly waiting for a purpose.
There are billions of stars, all glittering at a different nanoo second creating a constant glow. With each sparkle, they beckon you to come join their society, a society of contentedness but without individuality or movement. The frustration of discerning one from another leaves you to ponder.
Abruptly, a shooting star dances across your stage, almost landing in your lap. Suddenly, you realize you had not noticed how dark the sky really was until your little unexpected friend shot a glimpse of awakening your way.
Without a thought, you now feel the grass on your neck, and the mere lingering of the star's brightness brings an unrestrained fulfillment.
Now you know your mission.
We went to the Obsidian site a few days ago, hiking through shards of glass the size of mountains. The lava with no bubbles turns into black shiny glass, and then the lava that had bubbles filtered through is the pumice. In hindsite it was one of the most dangerous adventures yet, hiking, falling, and regaining my balance on shards of glass. But there was a hidden cave we delved into that still had ice inside of it. And of course all the mountains still have remaining snow at the tops. Yesterday we went white water rafting down the Deshutes River. A 5 hour journey of rafting, swimming, and purposely hurling your body into rapids. good times. No pictures as of yet since I'm paying for this internet access and I can't upload images. Maybe next time.
You know those nights you're on a Do or Die mission to somewhere, nowhere particular, but...somewhere?
Everything is seemingly normal: no raging protons; all of your neurons are functioning smoothly. You're neither apathetic nor ecstatic. Just neutral.
You walk outside to get into the "Mission To Nowhere" vehicular yet instead you end up sprawled senseless in the front yard. Not aware of even the texture of the grass against your bare neck, your glazed-over eyes beam into the sky indirectly waiting for a purpose.
There are billions of stars, all glittering at a different nanoo second creating a constant glow. With each sparkle, they beckon you to come join their society, a society of contentedness but without individuality or movement. The frustration of discerning one from another leaves you to ponder.
Abruptly, a shooting star dances across your stage, almost landing in your lap. Suddenly, you realize you had not noticed how dark the sky really was until your little unexpected friend shot a glimpse of awakening your way.
Without a thought, you now feel the grass on your neck, and the mere lingering of the star's brightness brings an unrestrained fulfillment.
Now you know your mission.
Friday, August 13, 2004
The Alchemist- paulo coelho
This is the most dangerous of (all 4) obstacles (discouragement, love, fear, and GUILT) because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the things you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the world, and you understand why you are here.
Drops like a silk blanket of fog
Not totally confident it's Thursday but I'm sure I've been gone from San Fran for a few nights. We delved into some touristy attractions like the ferry ride to Angel Island, Haight St. dining, ACT-American Conservatory for Theatre, Humbolt Lagoon, Trees of Mystery sky ride, Muir Woods hiking, Point Reyes camping, Wine Country tastings, Oregon Cavern Monument flashlight tour and somehow ended up in a swank hotel for the night. After camping on the beach under the blanket of stars even the 5* hotel lacks in its comfort. The city was dirty and malfunctioned. I'm sure I witnessed a lady giving birth on the street corner, and if she was not, she has more problems than just being the lady giving birth on the street corner. I'm glad to have made it to the woods and to have been given the opportunity to walk deeper into the arms of the trees until my legs could carry me no farther. We watched the sun drop from the sky while on top the Cascades Mtns (?) last night and in our awe we forgot we might just have to hike back down in the black jacket of the night. The hazy fog dropped like a silk blanket over the beach. It's the perfect Goonie's or Pirates of the Carribean movie setting. Tonight we reside in Shed, OR. I love this city's name.
Good conversation abounding. Learning about each other on emotional and intellectual levels, morals, goals, humor, ideosyncrasies, many "lost in the eyes" moments/so to speak/. Caleb calls them "sits"... lost in the situations--lost in the beauty of conversation. Rotating the earth on love's power, propelling our spirits to onward carry.
I am rooted and grounded
I know where I stand
even far from my home in an alien land
planted in truth and watered with righteousness
my space is kept and painted with mightiness
remove the boastful grin that I bare
replace with an understanding of forgivenss to share
push me
taint me
chisel to my core
graffitied
malnourished
a social whore
these things are not of me
try as you may
my journey expands this worldly way
above and beyond an earthly limit
my sights set above clock to a heavenly minute
bought with a price and washed clean as snow
sins thrown from east to west as far as they may go
oh world of brash and hateful things
I am eternally protected under my creator's wings
Good conversation abounding. Learning about each other on emotional and intellectual levels, morals, goals, humor, ideosyncrasies, many "lost in the eyes" moments/so to speak/. Caleb calls them "sits"... lost in the situations--lost in the beauty of conversation. Rotating the earth on love's power, propelling our spirits to onward carry.
I am rooted and grounded
I know where I stand
even far from my home in an alien land
planted in truth and watered with righteousness
my space is kept and painted with mightiness
remove the boastful grin that I bare
replace with an understanding of forgivenss to share
push me
taint me
chisel to my core
graffitied
malnourished
a social whore
these things are not of me
try as you may
my journey expands this worldly way
above and beyond an earthly limit
my sights set above clock to a heavenly minute
bought with a price and washed clean as snow
sins thrown from east to west as far as they may go
oh world of brash and hateful things
I am eternally protected under my creator's wings
Sunday, August 08, 2004
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer
Much love spinning around in my heart in the absence of the people I departed from in 'bama. Things are a bit different on the road, err in the west, but more importantly in the city. Man in band plays two trumpets, yes both at the same time. Graffitied bathroom sports graphic details of homosexual safe sex thought-provoking advice. Eclectic styles speak for themselves and judgmental habits cease. My first few days in California were spent at the Chinese Christian Church Music Institute for Worship at Divinity College in San Rafael, were I was more than obviously the minority. It was beautiful. We visited and performed at many a Chinese church, one in Chinatown at the Salvation Army. I correct mysef, I was an observer, not a performer, but importantly a supporter. Now the days are spent in the triangle room downtown San Fran where I understand paying for the extra * means everything. We have a bed. Literally. And nothing else. Not even walking space. It's $ 20 a pop per head with 2 in the modest bed and 2 on the dangerously unkept floor. "they" call it a hotel but it is in full fledge a hostel. The bathroom is down the hall, or the toilet perhaps, because it lacks a sink and a shower. Before San Fran days well spent in NC, SC, and much in the undertermined cities in the airport. I've met the most intriguing people. Shouts out to Mr. Encouragement on the plane to Raleigh who filled my head with spiritual lessons and life lessons. Who continued to feed my soul with a confidence that Providence rules all timing. Again, man chooses his path but the Lord directs his steps. Props to Orilly Kelly for loving life and comforting me on a day of no absolutes as I wondered a bit frustrated and confused through downtown, alone. Props to the Jewish flirt whose company made my day and whose brash yet complimenting sense of humor kept me on my toes. Props to my girls in NC for good memories, and cousins who dished out the continuous love.
I'm learning to write in different styles as friends and I share techniques. I'm learning to be silent and absorb "sits" or situational moments. I'm learning to listen. I'm learning to navigate with a tiny map missing certain streets. I'm learning to love strangers, dirty and all. I'm discovering new books, new thoughts, new turkish coffees, new music, new people.
One cannot discover a new land without loosing site of the shore.
I'm learning to write in different styles as friends and I share techniques. I'm learning to be silent and absorb "sits" or situational moments. I'm learning to listen. I'm learning to navigate with a tiny map missing certain streets. I'm learning to love strangers, dirty and all. I'm discovering new books, new thoughts, new turkish coffees, new music, new people.
One cannot discover a new land without loosing site of the shore.
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