to be created

1. I met They and went Yonder
2. Just Don't
3. 2 states, same fun
4. Henna Him
5. They unfroze me in the future, man
6. I ain't been Jewish in a long time
7. die white van
8. cameldroid

Lucid Dreaming

The majority of my day, as far as my imagination is concerned, was spent discerning my dreams of late. They spread their wings of creative nonsense so often that my sleeping life is more exhausting than my waking life. I'd be better off staying up all night reading or dancing even having to work the next day than actually trying to put in an 8hr snooze encouraging r.e.m. and attempting to function tomorrow. It's a circle of tainted desire. I'm sleepy. I go to bed. I expect rejuvenation. I enter into an energetic world of ideas, and colors, and adventures, and fears, and inventions. Instead, it forcefully drains me of my industriousness.

The one that really wears me out happens to be a nightmare, and a recurring one. Admitting this might be incriminating. I constantly am dressed in awkward apparel and usually putting on make-up. Darkness and whispers surround me. Heavy velvet curtains are linked by braided gold sashes. Funny little people scurry around me repeating the same line over and over again, whatever it might be for that particular dream, and then they pause, growl at me and mumble about how I'm in the way, and question why am I am not on stage and.......then it hits. I'm in a play. I don't know my freaking lines. My costume is from the wrong time period. My accent sucks. My lines are obsolete from memory. And there is silence on stage, surely to be filled with my coming lines. The stage is too big for just a little me...but the cast is pushing me on the stage. I wonder if a song and dance will throw the crowd? If they'll notice I'm a oddly rigid and clumsy? I stumble on stage "acting" confident. Determined by accident rather than design I squeeze out a word.

Then I wake up, breathing heavily mind you.

This happens more often than I like to get mocked so I shouldn't have mentioned this at all. Thinking of it makes me laugh so hard. It's funny ha-ha. And now I'm scared to go to sleep.

Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold, CS Lewis

And for all I can tell, the only difference is that what many see we call a real thing, and what only one sees we call a dream. But things that many see may have no taste or moment in them at all, and things that are shown only to one may be spears and water-spouts of truth from the very depth of truth.

the jury is still out

As of yesterday it was decided by an influencial force that my next few weeks will be spent in Austin being gainfully employed. I don't know how I feel about this. Said force states that one who is employed, gainfully or not, in this state is unofficially a TEXAN. And it has to be spelled in all caps.

This changes everything. I have to lose my hip hop face, my punk strut, and my hippy take, revamping my new self into sporting an armadillo belt buckle and boots.

More importantly, starting every conversation with, "How's yer momma and them?"

CAMP DOING

As Ivan the Terrible hurls its windy stretches through my home in 'Bama I turn the other cheek and indulge in more, yes more great music. In a short few days I've seen:
Friday-

• What Made Milwalkee Famous
• Los Hispanos UK
• Amplified Heat
• Toots & Maytals
• Ryan Adams
• Los Lonely Boys

Saturday-

• Cat Power
• Old 97's
  
• Modest Mouse
• My Morning Jacket
  
• Dashboard Confessionals
• The Pixies (an amazingly better show than Seattle's performance!)
  

Sunday- (tenative)

• Mindy Smith
• Calexico
• The Roots
• North Mississippi Allstars
  
• Elvis Costello & the imposters
• Jack Johnson
• Drive-By Truckers
• Wilco
• Cake
• Ben Harper

When we can muster up enough energy to move from the 98 degree swealter, we submerge our concertified, dirty-hippytized bodies into a natural spring in the park, then haul it back to the next concert before the teenie boppers steal our spot...CAMP DOING. No, not "doing"
but "doing". It's spelled the same.

wayward home

Old entry from a pivotal point of the roadtrip:

I'm displaced from stability and have unwillingly clipped into the shoes of the path of the sensitive. Alienated, I inhale every breath in extensive effort, far beyond the jovial patternized reactions. Is this estrangement a result of careless behavior? Or is it just possible that I love my friends more than they love me? Eye to eye-lost in the eyes-confrontation-reconciliation-immediation-honesty. I live for these ideals. Apart from them much is lost.

NOT LOST, JUST DIVERTED

I sware it wus'n my fault

finally to texas

state line confusion

Oops, Nevada

Props to techy techs techaroosies

Without androids in the world, those like my brother Danny who understand how to build computers from cookie dough, there would be little communication between my friends and I...even the ones upstairs. This page has led to the rekindling of many friendships with people I hadn't seen in years and also an integral connection of new friends, even some travelers from Canada and Germany. I think I'll compile a book based souly on the comments I've gotten from my postings. LAVA ME.

Details on the whereabouts:

• TEXAS, specifically Austin
• Austin City Limits-rocking music fest to come, showing Modest Mouse, Pixies (again), My Morning Jacket, Dashboard Confessionals and a crazy handful more of tightly tuned musical luv.
  
• Appropriately acted as a local today and homebrewed our own Lonestar. I never knew....oh, how innocent is the other 49 states.
• Appropriately prepared to re-enter the world of $ making and molested my resume'.
  
• Reassessed my values and decided not to work until an appropriate 2 full months of unemployment accrued
• Reassessed my bank account and appropriately consented to an interview this Wednesday
  

NEVER TO BE FORGOTTEN: Last night's entertainment
THE TEXAS ROLLERGIRLS: www.txrd.com
I saw these girls skate after blood, tripping and elbowing and cussing each other and somehow scoring points doing it. I was unaware a sport like this existed, especially since the 60's. Actually, I thought we were going to see a friend's band play called The Texas Roller Girls, and silly me got suckered in and hooked. It made you want to be an angry lesbian skater fighting her way through life on wheels and wearing torn fishnets and dog collars.

At least, I felt that way last night.

TEXAS RULES

We decided to book it from Seattle to Austin and only stayed one night in hotel, making it possible to arrive after only 3 days driving. Cramped as it was, it seemed no different to have bodies squished in a bitty Jeep drving across the country as if we were smuggling ourselves into something illegal, than to have spent the past month and a half, night and day, with these two crazy kids. I've come to the grand conclusion that anyone from Texas will live and die to the beat of a different drum. They rule the world in their own eyes. Living out daily rituals with these two has been of pure education and restraint. Restraint of offering opinions and education to relearn everyting I already know, except of course, from the Texas point of view. And I say all this in open mockery, for they too know they are absurdly hard headed in their ways. Always makes for an interesting conversation...or a long one.

We went grocery shopping today. It was a little taste of heaven since Caleb never lets us eat. But it's not his fault, he's an android (aka cameldroid). He does not eat, drink, or sleep. He reads, programs computers, and hacks into things. Interesting. Amber and I are however made of flesh, and to prevent passing out, desire a nibbly or two.

We are officially in a state we'll reside in for a bit. However, vacation has not ended. We just went out on the boat and watched the sunset from the pier. I think there's crab dip waiting for me upstairs. And of course Lonestar, the national beer of Texas. Though it's the cheapest, they'd have it no other way.

Status

Digital Compass: Southeast
Plan: drive to Texas, no stops, no fun, straight from Seattle in a few days
Driver: Caleb
Emily: Navigator
Amber: Asleep
Time: 4 pm, leaving Salt Lake City, UT
Scenario: Hours of laughter and random music facts

Digital Compass: South
Time: Don't know, who cares
Scenario: Hours of comfortable silence and thinking

Digital Compass: West
Time: later
Scenario: smiling, little words, oberserving scenary

Caleb: "Emily, when does Hwy 6 go WEST?
Emily: "Never. Don't worry about it."
Scenario: Moments of naive silence
Emily: "Uhm, unless you're driving to NEVADA!"
Scenario: small giggles of scenario recognition
Caleb: "Hope you like Las Vegas"
Scenario: moments of awkward silence and then awkward laughter. 32hrs later, arrival in Texas.

humdrum

...About to drive 45hrs to get to Texass by Saturday night. Music at Austin City Limits and interviews at the Hula Hut calls. blah blah blah. No sight seeing for us. Will post again in a week or so.

laughing laughter laughs

So he says, that characteristic about you surprised me. It doesn't fit you at all. Well, it makes sense actually, it does fit you...after the surprise it all made sense.

and let the hacker games begin 

there's got to be a job somewhere that pays me to do this 

what? a hotel, and laundry, and swimming? oh, my 

made in oregon 

favorite question, "what's next?" 

dirt and shifty-eyed travelers

Do you ever feel like you lose yourself then at some given monumental point, or at least a point that becomes significant, you realize, oh there I am or was anyway. And suddenly it all makes sense; you're capable of knowing and conquering and conceiving and perceiving and retaining and remaining and fulfilling and indulging and discovering and pondering and meandering
--nowhere particular but definitely with a peculiar power.

I like those days. Those bursts of emotion and of passion and zeal; a rebirth of sorts. A bit of me senses that today. It is cloudy on a summer's day. The money is low and the heart a bit ragged from the storms of late, and yet somehow this invigorating sweep of umph blows through changing my course of direction.


I just got back into the states last night. We spent nearly a week in Canada, my first out of the country experience. Aside from the $, the metric system, and the occasional northern "eh", the significant culture shock was totally absent. We stayed mostly in hostels, some complete with dirt and shifty-eyed travelers, but mostly with adventure seekers and stories to be heard. If I can remember to not blur my days, I think we spent time in Vancouver (BC), Victoria on Vancouver Island, and Pender Island. We went to an Andy Warhol exhibit to see more of his life than his paintings, being his life was so flamboyant. We visited a butterfly garden, a Greek fest, Stanley Park, saw "Bus 14" a satire, ate like queens and kings at a steak grubbery, took a few ferries, visited local art galleries, communed with foreigners from Germany, Japan, and Canada over the French film "Yamakasi," camped in a spot that was surrounded by 3 walls of blackberry bushes, one wall of water and canopied underneath apple trees. Though that sounds gorgeous and picturesque, we were also nearly sitting in the parking lot of a Pub. Too funny. I returned to Seattle last night to go to Bumbershoot, a rocking music fest where I will be seeing my all time fav band the Pixies! Whahoo! Life is good.

Concerning Love Lost

I'd love to scream and shake and growl, pressing my intertwining thoughts of this mind and the people it effects into immediate action, benefiting my sanity of course. But the slow burn of learning is finally seeping in like light, the kind that leads and teaches, except when you're tired and then the blinds seem to let the only light in through the crack that burns directly into your eyes.

Be gentle with me knowledge. I can only act so fast if I want this to be sincere. I know a godly patience is more beneficial than taking matters into my own hands inevitably screwing it up. That much I can understand. However, I think it's too late. Even in the midst of understanding that concept, Omniscient let me have my way, leading me to believe, or rather, letting me choose to believe through my stubbornness, that it was Providence all fell into place as it had. Why then, did it fall so quickly out of place, so distraught, so mutilated, so wrenched with a distance and quenched with emotional solitude? But alas, so many arguments and "tactful" thoughts I'd love to share, discuss, pine over, but the situation of open doors has not arrived and probably will not, judging by the eminent reality.

My faithful Father of forgiveness, accepting his love for me to be sufficient must consume me. Peace be with my soul. One that surpasses all understanding. It is not I who has the healing touch of grace that can reach in almost metaphysically and tweak the heart's strings to sound a note of communion. I cannot force into action any mind, any dream, any act of pursuance by he any more than a hurricane can get its speed without the heavenly ordination of our Creator, my Father, giving tug to the winds of space.

So this is my chance of renewal of mind, therefore also renewal of body--for the body will react to the mind's persuasions and temptations. I hand my burden over to you Lord. I hand over my need to control this situation. I hand over my longings. I hand over my desire to make it make sense. I hand over the power to you to patch the hearts of his and mine.