Best pick-up line to date:

"Watching you from across the room as you write in your journal is like having the pleasure of studying an original Picasso."

don't speak

When words prove to be in excess, launder me in swirled provoking patterns, and I'll bask in the concise length of your tell-tale heart. However, when your liaison for verbal communication lacks fuel for the fire, I'll comfortably sit in silence and read your face instead. Never underestimate the power of presence and facial expression.

When I feel your heat, I read you. Paper, rock, scissors. ROCK. See, no words. All smiles.

One day

One day at a time
Each step creeks like my feet are on backwards
Over the woods and through the river, bitter cold water in my shoe seeps like a well deserved tragedy.
Not that playing God is overrated, but finding a path for my foot to tread might change the axis of my revolutions.
Upside down and back to back, I face myself.
Red with white jagged zig zags tear through the feng shui of my mind.

envy

My good friend Chris died. I couldn't make it to the funeral because I'm stranded, willingly on normal days, in a different geographic state. On the other hand, I am not separated by a different state of mind. I too wish I was with Chris, dancing before the Creator of the world, asking kajillions of questions...Or not, just basking in His presence.

I love observing people, just kicking back and absorbing their idiosyncratic quirks. I love getting purposefully lost in the woods, enforcing a time to venture through nature. I love being alone, letting the wheels of thought juice up for explosion. It's in these tid bits of earthly life that I feel I am closest to Him. It's as if the feeling I get while loving God's creations and seeing them for what they are is a little bit of Heaven.

As I see this world for what it is, a place of comic relief and adventure, though not shy of pain and broken hearts, I want nothing more that to live this life abundantly as Christ says we are able. Abundantly...what does this mean? As of now, my life is filled with constant conversation of snowboarding and beer. Expensive snowboarding and cheap beer. I don't take this for granted. This is a part of what makes people happy, helps pass the time of a somewhat confusing life. But there is more, I am assured of that. I have experienced it. If only I could see the version of heaven Chris now sees, I have a feeling that my trivial visions of the spiritual world might not compare to his new reality.

My dear friend Chris Wiggins who makes me laugh incessantly, I envy you.

The Total Person...

is to be visioned as reaching out in continuing, expanding relationship with the wholeness of God in the fullness of the universe. Less than this is cutting short the resources available for personhood development. The creative, exploring person will keep at the job, trying for an enriched and enriching relationship with spiritual resources. The honest person will see his concepts of God calling for growth and refinement. He will see his language needing expansion. He will see conventional ways of getting with God as not adequate. He will see that many who set out to relate with God have limiting notions. But the person of pioneering spirit will thrill at the great adventure in relating more and more.

Oh, do I wish I had written all that 1st. It's by Ron Cheville. I don't know who he is but I found it when reading a dissertation on Theatre. Man...too inspired to just sit here. Must go conquer the world.

All The Time I Dream of You

For every word I wrote, I meant seven. For every seven I meant it was twenty I felt. To know my heart, you'd have to read my mind.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm laying down the law,
enforcing a 15-minute limit.
So have your way with me now and let my mind run free.
I guess I can spare that, what can a few thoughts hurt?
What's 15 minutes in lieu when I get to dream of you?

Hey, it's been 20! What are you still doing here?
I've got things to do.
I swear, let me get out of bed in peace,
Find someone else's heart to lease.

Now the morning's spent and all my time to you I've lent.
Fine, you want to do lunch? But promise me, just this once.

Alrighty then, it's been 4 more hours and my mind is still consumed with you.
Seriously, I'd appreciate it if you'd kindly step away
This girl cannot keep dreaming of you to my dismay.
I've got to concentrate, create, and respond to the world!

Now the entire day is gone, remove yourself from my mind and let me unfurl.
On second thought, hang just long enough to see me to sleep.
The thought of you helps the comfort keep.
Okay, you can go now, I think I've forgotten about you,

OR why don't you just stay...
Since you never really left anyway.

IRONY

The ONLY thing crazy about basking in the depths of God's glorious creations is there are soooo many ways to die! (from my journal, written just 1 hr ago) ---As my feet slide with every step down the mountain, snow slips into my shoes like a secret gone bad. I reached over, attempting to stabalize myself on a bush twig, dead in this season, before it snapped like celery between my frigid fingers sending me with an escalating speed down the side of the mountain. Of course, I did choose the most maddening peak to climb, all geared up with water, my journal, and a Bible--3 of my favorite survival tools. I could only make it up so far before an impassible rusted fence convinced me my journey was finished, though not fulfilled. My determination to venture into the woods alone is only so because the days thus far have been spent consumed with company. And plus sometimes it's just fun to see what I'm made of, what level of ninja fighting powers I hold. And let me tell ya, when it's cold, not very much.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Good food, good eats, good friends...even though I just met them a week ago. I suppose though, they are my new family. It's sort of like a gang. Hmm, I'm part of a gang. I'm a gangsta. A snowboarding gangsta. Nope, doesn't quite have the ring I was hoping for.
*Must go practice on the mandolin for tomorrow's festivities. Hope it flows well with the harmonica. Too bad I can't actually play either one.

Operation lift operator

Tis been sooooo long since I last blogged I venture to say this is in vain, however, for the wanderers I give you this. I'm in Colorado. The 3 day jog on wheels got me here swaddled in good jazz and delicate recurring thoughts. It was a perfect time to think and calculate my life, the upcoming mysteries and potential growing points. I realize that my time spent in the mountains thus far like when I lived in Kentucky and Utah, has proved to be my most solitary moments of life. Not sedentary, but solitary. I find these groping opportunities as time to delve into the innerworkings of my mind and rediscover who I am. I think that should occur every couple years to reevaluate where I'm headed, what I want, why I act the way I do, and decide if I truly am becoming who I want to be, who I think I am now. And of course I had constant entertainment as I drove alone the 30 some odd hours as I fiddled with a walkie-talkie and Amber in the Jeep 40ft away.

In any case, so good so far. The mountain air knocks me out at 9:45 every night. I guess it's good preparation for my lift opts job where by 6:45 am I'll have had to indulge in coffee, have found a shuttle to the top of the mountain, somehow get to my station before hypothermia sets in, and turn on my mind. I'm going to be the all-prepared operator...To help save small orphans, widows and discombobulated adults as they fumble through their naivete of riding the lift, just as I once did. It's my mission.

And as for you, my eastern folk, it is your duty to me to maintain a schedule of east coast life stories, talking of sweet tea and brambleberries.

I'm a different kind of hungry

I've been harassed by the diehard readers to post again soon, but I haven't found words worthy of being read, words worthy of escaping the grinding warehouse of my imagination. They're not yet complete. I've actually had time to think lately and comply with translating these messages, to really roll over certain ideas and see what's underneath them, but then there's a disinclination to summarize by way of getting it out of my mouth.

So CS.Lewis says, "God seems to do nothing of himself which he can possibly delegate to his creatures. He commands to do slowly and blunderingly what he can do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye."

I'm at that point again. Here. Alone. Loving it. Slightly awkward. Eternally grateful. Time to bask in a Jesus that created companionship, but ables us to worship individually. It's the point of crossing from wanting to be alone and observe and heal, to feed upon life and devour, but also to relate and converse and confide. I suppose it's a process--a timely one.

Last night drove me mad. I can appreciate sincerity. I desire truth. I can handle the realities of other people's decisions. I suppose it hurts me more to see them hurting themselves more so than for me to be excluded.

I heard on the radio tonight a concept on surrendering your entire life to Christ. And another on true happiness. Apparently, true happiness, even through Christ, is in serving others, by sharing yourself and talents and energies with someone else. I can see that. And also apparently, I don't know what it means to completely surrender myself. I mean, absolutely, in whole, holding nothing back surrendering of myself. What does that mean? How does one attain that point of relinquishing? In word, yes, I have given of myself to further the kingdom, but in heart or deed have I? Completely? And is this a mindset that is a constant? Or does is change accordingly to walking in the spirit? I don't know. The more Caleb asks questions, the analytical inquiring he does on the scientific accuracy and historical credibility of the Bible, the more inspired I am to research what I already believe. So much do I take for granted. Ever since the holy spirit became active in my life, guiding me to a real and holy change in who I am on a daily level, I have taken for granted the backgrond of the Bible and understanding the hows and the whens. I have felt like I know enough of the truth already because it's living and active in my life through prayer and daily communion, however, I want to go beyond that--not for salvation purposes--that's already set in stone, but instead for knowledge, for discipline, for wisdom to know every aspect of God and the best selling book that lies around so many people's houses without thoughtful inttervention. I want to be a light to those who haven't yet tasted his goodness. Plus, there are soooo many ideas out there I lack knowledge on. I'm attempting to brush up on the Masoretic text, the Pentateuch, the Targums, and the Septuagint.

Calling me to lay aside the worries of my day. Quiet down my busy life and find a hiding place. promise keeper. comforter. healer. provider. soon and coming king. holy. hope. forgiver. of a childlike faith, of my honest praise, of a holy life and my sacrifice, of my unashamed love. you are worthy.

To Daniel

Do not be afraid, for from the 1st day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
-daniel 10:12

Oh My Darlin' :Ode to the Dirty South

I'll tell ya, the thing I'll miss the most from the south is the very thing I despised when I moved here. When people call me Darlin'. Not so much those you know, but always strangers...people who cannot have an accurate perception yet of my darlingness. Like my grocer, my hairstylest, notably, my mechanic.

Once I got over the awkwardness of it (Minnesotans just don't have that word in their vocabulary...it doesn't fit their nasaly accent) it started to become a word of comfort. You can be all a twitter or frustrated, confused, lost, plain pissed off and old joe-smo calls you "darlin'" and all worries subside, the sun shines again, suddenly your mechanic isn't ripping you off, and life is just plain good, especially as you naw on your hot bag of boiled peanuts. good times.

Make it stop. No, it's necessary for learning

The amalgamation of sundry ideas brings my mind to a stop. Constant consideration of perspectives from various angles has drained me this week. I cannot conclude nor dismiss these thoughts. They beseech my soul for at least a thoughtful examination.

The first part of my soul probing was initiated by the book of Acts. How Simon Peter, was originally kind of a wuss. A pansy of sorts. He had the words of leader but then would, metaphorically and literally, fall behind in step. This doesn't discount his leadership potential but it exposed his need for growth. Acts 6 shows a picture that is currently relevant. Jesus teaches he is the bread of life and those who partake of him has eternal life and how "I will raise him up on the last day." A disciple responded,"This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?" and many of them turned and left. The Messiah, the only one without the messiah complex, was not concerned with numbers but with motive, said to the 12 will you also leave? Peter bravely responds, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You only have the words of eternal fire." Then not long afterward at the Mount of Olives Jesus is approached by Judas to be turned over for crucifixion. Peter gets presumptuously ballsy and cuts off the ear of a high priest. Which Jesus nonchalantly reattaches. ha ha. I love that part. (Look Peter, bad timing, just chill. Sir, here's your ear back. *squish*)Directly after the arrest, this prophesied yet intrusive crowd leads him to the house of the high priest. And this is where Peter was following, but following at a distance. Peter does not completely give up on Christ but he follows at a distance as not to be associated, then shortly later denies him 3 times, as Jesus told Peter he would. However, back to Acts 1:15, after crucifixion and resurrection, Peter starts to take the lead, determining his past weaknesses as something to overcome.

With all that said, the 2nd part of my soul probing has derived from observing my surroundings and the profound yet almost inevitable questions that exist in my and my friend's lives. I often find myself meddling in the question and lacking the discipline to research or pray about the answer. Instead, I'm guilty of what Don Miller says is the I Dream of Jeannie approach. "I wonder how great it would be to have a Jeannie of my own, complete with the sexy outfit, who could blink a grilled-cheese sandwich out of thin air, all the while cleaning my room and doing my homework. I realize, of course, that is very silly and there is no such thing as a genie that lives in a lamp, but it makes me wonder if secretly we don't wish God were a genie who could deliver a few wishes here and there. It makes me wonder if what we really want is control, not a relationship." Which leads me to the fact that it is my duty to demonstrate a prayerful life. I am under orders to pray for my friends and especially my enemies. Now that I have found my eternal house in which to exist and walked through the door, I must "be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall." -cs lewis.

This information is particularly substantial to me due to a random course of events that occurred last night between midnight and 5 am. Minus the distressing details of events, I'll say that my heart's summary heaped a momentum to seek more godly guidance, a more steadfast prayer life, and a discipline in leadership growth...just in commonplace life. If we are faithful with the little things, He will trust us with much.

Redneck Activity

One more to add to the list:
I shot mistletoe out of a tree today with a 12 gauge.
I rest my case.

my temporary gratifying indulgence

music: Taking Back Sunday
book: Searching for God Knows What, Donald Miller
visual: the hot pink house across the street and the older black lady repeating, "Tweet tweet, little birdy, tweet tweet" as she chases to feed the fluttering feathered things in her yard.
discussion: Would Israel have been liberated early on if the Jews understood Jesus was not an earthly king? And, what does it take to convince your spouse she needs to participate in the reality show "Wife Swapping"?

Dad and I ready to fare the coming storm, sitting on our rain gear eating bananas.  

Wilderness.
Tang. Beef Jerkey.
Jesus. Taxes. 2nd Law of Thermodynamics.
Seemingly 140 lb backpacks.

TO FIT THE PART

As my girl Kate so eloquently phrased it, "I'm back in Bammy's arms," and no, that's not the creepy bald guy in the unmarked white van outside Books-A-Million yesterday who visually assaulted every part of me as he probably mumbled under his breath, "get her done" but who can say. Instead, I'm back in 'Bama tarring roofs, hauling trees, washing tree stumps, trimming trees, splitting logs, and dropping debris at the pit (which is mine and Amber's own RollerGirl experience, minus the lesbian part). But to add to the Mecca of redneck activities I ride in the back of the pick-up even though the passenger seat is begging for company. You'd think I'd stop talking about this, but even having lived in the dirty south for a few years now, all stereotypes are becoming a reality for me in just a week. I was even caught blowing snot out one nostril while holding the other one down. My brothers taught me how to do that years ago and somehow it seemed appropriate...TO FIT THE PART...don't get all grossed out.

Here are some trip pix I just got developed.

Da girls. Sher's birthday. Ab, Sher, Brooke, Me. 

That's not posed. She always wears her clothes in the water. Silly Brooke. 

Angel Island. Resting...before we realize we're about to miss our ferry a mile away. 

With no home, Ness came with us...forgetting the tiny hotel was a gazillion miles away, and having to walk or ferry everywhere, we had to lug her suitcase across the country on foot...and at the appropriate times, hide it behind offices or bathrooms in order to go hiking.  

Ha ha. Okay, this was taken the day after driving much of Hwy 1 and after having a beautiful night camping on the beach in northern CA. We found a fresh market and bought goat cheese, avacados, and meat...found a table they were selling which was chained to the ground, and drank our homemade wine from metal camping mugs while picknicking in their parking lot.  

Tiny hotel in SF: Left to Right (on floor, on bed, on floor) Vanessa, Amber, Caleb. Me...standing, it was the only place left with fresh air.  

After Vanessa realized she is not Chinese either, she also trecked to downtown SF. 

Nessa and I in San Fran. This is where the music camp, after only one performance, discovered I wasn't Chinese and made me leave.  

Getting caught sneeking below Archie's office window to surprise him. 1st: It wasn't his window. 2nd: He was standing behind me.  

Archie...the one. We hadn't seen him in 4yrs. Suspicious voice mail: "Meet me in the gazebo at 1am. Bring your wife. I'll be the one wearing a red flower."  

All I remember about this night in SC is a Jamaican band upstairs and the hurricane that was blowing off the beach into my seafood. No, seriously. 

I've been accused...

of having an addiction because I use the computer so often. I will not contest considering I sport a t-shirt that says, "I Love Nerds," and it's not the candy. It's just that this blog is an excellent way to keep up and entertain not only myself but my peeps across the country and now across the world. I love this thing. In any case, here's the latest: Against all will, I was gagged and dragged back to Abalama to make some quick hard tax exempt cash. As long as I can put up with the irritating, all-encompassing love bugs and withstand my forearms looking like they went through a wood chipper, I will continue helping in the disaster relief, hauling trees and raking hurricane infected pool furniture to the curb for pick-up. So alas, I'm in Mobile for 3 weeks. But here's the good part. I got a job in Colorado as a ski bum. Seriously, they pay people for this. I'll get to ski to work, watch people ski all day, then ski home. I guess I better learn how.

1st time skiing

While night skiing, after launching superwoman style off an icy hill that just 'happened' upon me, I hold a bag of snow to my fresh shiner.

Modest Mouse

I've got to remember to remember to forget that you forgot me.

Letters to Mom

As we bailed water out of our tent while burning up time during our near death experience in the storm of all insanity during our hike on the App.Trail, little bro and I wrote a sweet poem.
Disclaimer: We were under pressure of flapping tent sides and no Tang to sip. Our iamic pentameter might be off a bit. We wrote this with a pen we carved out of a soggy log under dim moon light.

Too much (whine)
but we shared it, wasn't all mine
complaining so thick like slime
can't stop on no dime
fighting bears and jumping streams
survival of the fittest, if you know what I mean
it's thorns and jungle steam
that keeps us in the suffering team
screaming thunder rings
through our ears
we hope to avoid our darkest fears
if it keeps raining this hard we'll be floating in God's tears
crackers and peanut butter can only last so long
I'm getting so home sick I'm writing letters to Mom
she's probably sewing and singing us a prayer song
where's the pizza? where's the beer?
wish I knew 'cause it sure ain't here
lead me down that path and make it clear
If we don't make it, just know I always wanted to be a rapper.

Should I?

Hmm, considering posting a poem I wrote last summer. Hmm, considering being vulnerable to my readers. Hmm, contemplating sharing a delicate thought with you. Hmm, instead going to tell you what it's like to live on a sunny, inviting lake while you're unemployed.

Job hunting in Austin didn't pan out. Granted, patience lacked. The lake beckoned. Work ethic did not. Inevitably, I met strangers on a boat on Lake Travis as I "happened" to be standing nearby the shore, geared up in a bikini and equipped with adrenaline. I was treated to a wakeboarding lesson resulting in my mastering of the get-up process on first try. Crossing the wake was another story. But that's okay. Mastering two techniques was my goal and I repeatedly grounded getting up and...face planting. Minus the water in my brain, launching spreadeagle through the air still attached to the boat even though I left my board 15ft back gives me quite a feeling of accomplishment. Who said I was uhnpraduckdiv?

to be created

1. I met They and went Yonder
2. Just Don't
3. 2 states, same fun
4. Henna Him
5. They unfroze me in the future, man
6. I ain't been Jewish in a long time
7. die white van
8. cameldroid

Lucid Dreaming

The majority of my day, as far as my imagination is concerned, was spent discerning my dreams of late. They spread their wings of creative nonsense so often that my sleeping life is more exhausting than my waking life. I'd be better off staying up all night reading or dancing even having to work the next day than actually trying to put in an 8hr snooze encouraging r.e.m. and attempting to function tomorrow. It's a circle of tainted desire. I'm sleepy. I go to bed. I expect rejuvenation. I enter into an energetic world of ideas, and colors, and adventures, and fears, and inventions. Instead, it forcefully drains me of my industriousness.

The one that really wears me out happens to be a nightmare, and a recurring one. Admitting this might be incriminating. I constantly am dressed in awkward apparel and usually putting on make-up. Darkness and whispers surround me. Heavy velvet curtains are linked by braided gold sashes. Funny little people scurry around me repeating the same line over and over again, whatever it might be for that particular dream, and then they pause, growl at me and mumble about how I'm in the way, and question why am I am not on stage and.......then it hits. I'm in a play. I don't know my freaking lines. My costume is from the wrong time period. My accent sucks. My lines are obsolete from memory. And there is silence on stage, surely to be filled with my coming lines. The stage is too big for just a little me...but the cast is pushing me on the stage. I wonder if a song and dance will throw the crowd? If they'll notice I'm a oddly rigid and clumsy? I stumble on stage "acting" confident. Determined by accident rather than design I squeeze out a word.

Then I wake up, breathing heavily mind you.

This happens more often than I like to get mocked so I shouldn't have mentioned this at all. Thinking of it makes me laugh so hard. It's funny ha-ha. And now I'm scared to go to sleep.

Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold, CS Lewis

And for all I can tell, the only difference is that what many see we call a real thing, and what only one sees we call a dream. But things that many see may have no taste or moment in them at all, and things that are shown only to one may be spears and water-spouts of truth from the very depth of truth.

the jury is still out

As of yesterday it was decided by an influencial force that my next few weeks will be spent in Austin being gainfully employed. I don't know how I feel about this. Said force states that one who is employed, gainfully or not, in this state is unofficially a TEXAN. And it has to be spelled in all caps.

This changes everything. I have to lose my hip hop face, my punk strut, and my hippy take, revamping my new self into sporting an armadillo belt buckle and boots.

More importantly, starting every conversation with, "How's yer momma and them?"

CAMP DOING

As Ivan the Terrible hurls its windy stretches through my home in 'Bama I turn the other cheek and indulge in more, yes more great music. In a short few days I've seen:
Friday-

• What Made Milwalkee Famous
• Los Hispanos UK
• Amplified Heat
• Toots & Maytals
• Ryan Adams
• Los Lonely Boys

Saturday-

• Cat Power
• Old 97's
  
• Modest Mouse
• My Morning Jacket
  
• Dashboard Confessionals
• The Pixies (an amazingly better show than Seattle's performance!)
  

Sunday- (tenative)

• Mindy Smith
• Calexico
• The Roots
• North Mississippi Allstars
  
• Elvis Costello & the imposters
• Jack Johnson
• Drive-By Truckers
• Wilco
• Cake
• Ben Harper

When we can muster up enough energy to move from the 98 degree swealter, we submerge our concertified, dirty-hippytized bodies into a natural spring in the park, then haul it back to the next concert before the teenie boppers steal our spot...CAMP DOING. No, not "doing"
but "doing". It's spelled the same.

wayward home

Old entry from a pivotal point of the roadtrip:

I'm displaced from stability and have unwillingly clipped into the shoes of the path of the sensitive. Alienated, I inhale every breath in extensive effort, far beyond the jovial patternized reactions. Is this estrangement a result of careless behavior? Or is it just possible that I love my friends more than they love me? Eye to eye-lost in the eyes-confrontation-reconciliation-immediation-honesty. I live for these ideals. Apart from them much is lost.

NOT LOST, JUST DIVERTED

I sware it wus'n my fault

finally to texas

state line confusion

Oops, Nevada

Props to techy techs techaroosies

Without androids in the world, those like my brother Danny who understand how to build computers from cookie dough, there would be little communication between my friends and I...even the ones upstairs. This page has led to the rekindling of many friendships with people I hadn't seen in years and also an integral connection of new friends, even some travelers from Canada and Germany. I think I'll compile a book based souly on the comments I've gotten from my postings. LAVA ME.

Details on the whereabouts:

• TEXAS, specifically Austin
• Austin City Limits-rocking music fest to come, showing Modest Mouse, Pixies (again), My Morning Jacket, Dashboard Confessionals and a crazy handful more of tightly tuned musical luv.
  
• Appropriately acted as a local today and homebrewed our own Lonestar. I never knew....oh, how innocent is the other 49 states.
• Appropriately prepared to re-enter the world of $ making and molested my resume'.
  
• Reassessed my values and decided not to work until an appropriate 2 full months of unemployment accrued
• Reassessed my bank account and appropriately consented to an interview this Wednesday
  

NEVER TO BE FORGOTTEN: Last night's entertainment
THE TEXAS ROLLERGIRLS: www.txrd.com
I saw these girls skate after blood, tripping and elbowing and cussing each other and somehow scoring points doing it. I was unaware a sport like this existed, especially since the 60's. Actually, I thought we were going to see a friend's band play called The Texas Roller Girls, and silly me got suckered in and hooked. It made you want to be an angry lesbian skater fighting her way through life on wheels and wearing torn fishnets and dog collars.

At least, I felt that way last night.

TEXAS RULES

We decided to book it from Seattle to Austin and only stayed one night in hotel, making it possible to arrive after only 3 days driving. Cramped as it was, it seemed no different to have bodies squished in a bitty Jeep drving across the country as if we were smuggling ourselves into something illegal, than to have spent the past month and a half, night and day, with these two crazy kids. I've come to the grand conclusion that anyone from Texas will live and die to the beat of a different drum. They rule the world in their own eyes. Living out daily rituals with these two has been of pure education and restraint. Restraint of offering opinions and education to relearn everyting I already know, except of course, from the Texas point of view. And I say all this in open mockery, for they too know they are absurdly hard headed in their ways. Always makes for an interesting conversation...or a long one.

We went grocery shopping today. It was a little taste of heaven since Caleb never lets us eat. But it's not his fault, he's an android (aka cameldroid). He does not eat, drink, or sleep. He reads, programs computers, and hacks into things. Interesting. Amber and I are however made of flesh, and to prevent passing out, desire a nibbly or two.

We are officially in a state we'll reside in for a bit. However, vacation has not ended. We just went out on the boat and watched the sunset from the pier. I think there's crab dip waiting for me upstairs. And of course Lonestar, the national beer of Texas. Though it's the cheapest, they'd have it no other way.

Status

Digital Compass: Southeast
Plan: drive to Texas, no stops, no fun, straight from Seattle in a few days
Driver: Caleb
Emily: Navigator
Amber: Asleep
Time: 4 pm, leaving Salt Lake City, UT
Scenario: Hours of laughter and random music facts

Digital Compass: South
Time: Don't know, who cares
Scenario: Hours of comfortable silence and thinking

Digital Compass: West
Time: later
Scenario: smiling, little words, oberserving scenary

Caleb: "Emily, when does Hwy 6 go WEST?
Emily: "Never. Don't worry about it."
Scenario: Moments of naive silence
Emily: "Uhm, unless you're driving to NEVADA!"
Scenario: small giggles of scenario recognition
Caleb: "Hope you like Las Vegas"
Scenario: moments of awkward silence and then awkward laughter. 32hrs later, arrival in Texas.

humdrum

...About to drive 45hrs to get to Texass by Saturday night. Music at Austin City Limits and interviews at the Hula Hut calls. blah blah blah. No sight seeing for us. Will post again in a week or so.

laughing laughter laughs

So he says, that characteristic about you surprised me. It doesn't fit you at all. Well, it makes sense actually, it does fit you...after the surprise it all made sense.

and let the hacker games begin 

there's got to be a job somewhere that pays me to do this 

what? a hotel, and laundry, and swimming? oh, my 

made in oregon 

favorite question, "what's next?" 

dirt and shifty-eyed travelers

Do you ever feel like you lose yourself then at some given monumental point, or at least a point that becomes significant, you realize, oh there I am or was anyway. And suddenly it all makes sense; you're capable of knowing and conquering and conceiving and perceiving and retaining and remaining and fulfilling and indulging and discovering and pondering and meandering
--nowhere particular but definitely with a peculiar power.

I like those days. Those bursts of emotion and of passion and zeal; a rebirth of sorts. A bit of me senses that today. It is cloudy on a summer's day. The money is low and the heart a bit ragged from the storms of late, and yet somehow this invigorating sweep of umph blows through changing my course of direction.


I just got back into the states last night. We spent nearly a week in Canada, my first out of the country experience. Aside from the $, the metric system, and the occasional northern "eh", the significant culture shock was totally absent. We stayed mostly in hostels, some complete with dirt and shifty-eyed travelers, but mostly with adventure seekers and stories to be heard. If I can remember to not blur my days, I think we spent time in Vancouver (BC), Victoria on Vancouver Island, and Pender Island. We went to an Andy Warhol exhibit to see more of his life than his paintings, being his life was so flamboyant. We visited a butterfly garden, a Greek fest, Stanley Park, saw "Bus 14" a satire, ate like queens and kings at a steak grubbery, took a few ferries, visited local art galleries, communed with foreigners from Germany, Japan, and Canada over the French film "Yamakasi," camped in a spot that was surrounded by 3 walls of blackberry bushes, one wall of water and canopied underneath apple trees. Though that sounds gorgeous and picturesque, we were also nearly sitting in the parking lot of a Pub. Too funny. I returned to Seattle last night to go to Bumbershoot, a rocking music fest where I will be seeing my all time fav band the Pixies! Whahoo! Life is good.

Concerning Love Lost

I'd love to scream and shake and growl, pressing my intertwining thoughts of this mind and the people it effects into immediate action, benefiting my sanity of course. But the slow burn of learning is finally seeping in like light, the kind that leads and teaches, except when you're tired and then the blinds seem to let the only light in through the crack that burns directly into your eyes.

Be gentle with me knowledge. I can only act so fast if I want this to be sincere. I know a godly patience is more beneficial than taking matters into my own hands inevitably screwing it up. That much I can understand. However, I think it's too late. Even in the midst of understanding that concept, Omniscient let me have my way, leading me to believe, or rather, letting me choose to believe through my stubbornness, that it was Providence all fell into place as it had. Why then, did it fall so quickly out of place, so distraught, so mutilated, so wrenched with a distance and quenched with emotional solitude? But alas, so many arguments and "tactful" thoughts I'd love to share, discuss, pine over, but the situation of open doors has not arrived and probably will not, judging by the eminent reality.

My faithful Father of forgiveness, accepting his love for me to be sufficient must consume me. Peace be with my soul. One that surpasses all understanding. It is not I who has the healing touch of grace that can reach in almost metaphysically and tweak the heart's strings to sound a note of communion. I cannot force into action any mind, any dream, any act of pursuance by he any more than a hurricane can get its speed without the heavenly ordination of our Creator, my Father, giving tug to the winds of space.

So this is my chance of renewal of mind, therefore also renewal of body--for the body will react to the mind's persuasions and temptations. I hand my burden over to you Lord. I hand over my need to control this situation. I hand over my longings. I hand over my desire to make it make sense. I hand over the power to you to patch the hearts of his and mine.

give me a nugget of truth and I'll bloom for you

Went to Mars Hill Church today, the emerging church. Makes me want to choose a church home before I even choose the city. So many questions on the horizon-- friends and their spiritual curiosity and seemingly unanswerable inquiries.
Words don't always make the sense the heart does.

Heading north to Vancouver tomorrow a.m.
thoughts like these will make us mad, confound us in our miserable fad.
i hate to plan ahead but it seems when limited money is involved there's a sense of reality that must kick in, or kick me.

a freshness of mind tapping at my door
flirting with the idea to implore
something distant, yet something whole
let it kindle, let it burn, let it breathe, let it coal.

Brambleberry Miracle

In Seattle riding bikes to the beach, eating fresh crab and halibut steaks, testing the local "two buck chuck" delicacy, painting houses, tapping into mind-sharing with introverts, meandering through museums and glass blowing studios, and seeking out employment. We came out of the hill country last night where we stayed a week and hiked lava flows at lantern dimmed light, hiked up to Mt.Ranier to view Emmerson glacier, attempted Mt.St.Helens in the pouring rain, lived off potato stew, potato soup, potatoes, potato chips, potato fries, and salsa. I managed to finagle a shower this morning after, well, today is Saturday and I think I had one Monday when we left civilization in Portland. Soap never smelled so good.

Off to eat dungeness. and research Canada's traveling opps.

where to go next? somewhere with a shower! 

I'm cold, and wet, and I wanna go h... awe who am I kidding?  

Success over the enveloping mind of the cave.